Dwayne Johnson: While my broadcast partner fantasizes about a moonlight dinner with Ryan Reynolds, let's send it over to Nate Means, our ring announcer.
Nate Means: Ladies and gentlemen, the next match is scheduled for one fall and is for the FSW World Championship!
(crowd cheers)
(Charlie Haas' music plays)
Nate Means: Introducing first, the challenger, Charlie Haas!
Michael Cole: Charlie Haas is an amazing athlete, Dwayne. He's got speed, agility, and strength in his arsenal.
Dwayne Johnson: First of all, twinkle toes, you should address me as Mr. Johnson. Only my friends call me Dwayne. Second, I must admit that Haas is a great competitor. That might be the only thing we agree on.
Nate Means: And the opponent...
(John Cena's music plays)
Nate Means: The FSW World Champion, "The Prototype" John Cena!
Dwayne Johnson: I can't stand this guy.
Michael Cole: So much for unbiased commentary... What do you have against him other than his arrogance, vanity, and lack of care for others?... With characteristics like that, you guys should get along just fine.
Dwayne Johnson: Keep talking trash and my $1,000 shoes and your candy ass will get along just fine.
Michael Cole: Point well taken.
Michael Cole: That is what it's all about: The FSW World Championship.
Dwayne Johnson: It's clear that Haas wants that gold around his waist. He can't take his eyes off that title.
Earl Hebner: Ring the bell!
(bell rings)
Michael Cole: The bell rings and this match is underway.
Dwayne Johnson:
Really, Michael Cole!? I wasn't aware of that.
Michael Cole: Your sarcasm won't ruin this evening for me, Dwayne. I've been anticipating this match all week.
Michael Cole: Haas quickly applies a headlock.
Dwayne Johnson: I wouldn't mind putting you in a headlock right now.
Michael Cole: Are you going to keep insulting me or are you going to call the match?
Dwayne Johnson: It depends... Do you plan on continuing provoking me to insult you?
Michael Cole: (sigh) Haas takes Cena to the mat with a quick headlock take-down.
Michael Cole: Cena is slowly but surely getting to his feet.
Michael Cole: Look at the power of Cena!
Dwayne Johnson: I may not like the guy, but I can't deny Cena's physical strength.
Michael Cole: Cena brings Haas down spine first onto his knee!
Michael Cole: Charlie Haas is writhing in pain on the canvas.
Dwayne Johnson: Cena goes for the pin. He could make quick work of Haas.
Earl Hebner: One!... Two!
Michael Cole: Haas kicks out at two.
Michael Cole: Who do you think is going to win this match, Dwayne?
Dwayne Johnson: ...
Michael Cole: Dwayne?
Michael Cole: Haas connects with a dropkick. Cena ran right into that one... Dwayne! Are you going to answer my question?
Dwayne Johnson: One, I don't answer stupid questions. And two, I told you to refer to me as Mr. Johnson.
Michael Cole: Who do you think is going to win this match... Mr. Johnson?
Dwayne Johnson: Well after a kick like that, I would say Charlie Haas.
Michael Cole: Cena just may be out cold.
Michael Cole: Haas covers Cena.
Earl Hebner: One!... Two!...
Michael Cole: Cena kicks out just in time!
Dwayne Johnson: One second later and the reign of Haas would have been upon us.
Michael Cole: Charlie Haas is sizing up John Cena.
Dwayne Johnson: Haas is moving faster than a freight train.
Michael Cole: Cena greets Haas with two boots to the kisser.
Dwayne Johnson: Speaking of kisser, when is the last time you spoke to Ryan Seacrest?
Michael Cole: I won't even dignify that with a response.
Michael Cole: Cena just rocked Haas with a clothesline!
Dwayne Johnson: That shot turned him inside out.
Michael Cole: Cena has Haas set up for The Mock-up!
Dwayne Johnson: Haas just slid off Cena's back... Did you grease him up before this match?
Michael Cole: Do you get paid to ridicule me?
Dwayne Johnson: Yes, and I love every second of it. I would do it for free.
Michael Cole: Haas just connected with a deadly neck-breaker.
Dwayne Johnson: That might be all she wrote for Cena and his title reign.
Earl Hebner: One!... Two!...
Michael Cole: Cena finds the strength to kick out once again.
Michael Cole: Haas has got to be thinking what he has to do to put Cena away.
Dwayne Johnson: Could you commentary get any more generic?
Michael Cole: Haas has something in store for Cena here. Maybe a DDT or a suplex.
Dwayne Johnson: Once again, Cena's power proves to be too much for Haas to combat. He just drilled him into that corner.
Dwayne Johnson: You know something about getting drilled. Right, Cole?
Michael Cole: You are just the worst.
Michael Cole: Haas catches Cena with an elbow to the face.
Dwayne Johnson: I think he may have caught him in the eye.
Michael Cole: Cena just clocked Earl Hebner!
Dwayne Johnson: As much of an ass as Cena is, I don't think that was on purpose. He couldn't see straight after taking that shot to the eye.
Michael Cole: Haas capitalizes and gives Cena a face full of fist.
Dwayne Johnson: If I had to give Cena a Christmas gift, that's exactly what I would give him.
Michael Cole: John Cena sidesteps Haas, who went flying into the top turnbuckle.
Dwayne Johnson: If I were Haas, I would not turn around right about now.
Michael Cole: He doesn't have to turn around for this move.
Michael Cole: Cena executes a backdrop.
Dwayne Johnson: He dropped him right on the top of his head!
Michael Cole: Where is John going? If I were him, I would go for the pin.
Dwayne Johnson: First of all, you are not John Cena in any way, shape, or form. And why would he make a pin... if there's no ref!? I'm positive you rode the short bus as a child.
Michael Cole: For your information, I was home schooled.
Michael Cole: Cena has the FSW title belt in his hand... I know where this is going.
Dwayne Johnson: Oh do you, Sherlock?
Dwayne Johnson: FSW World Championship, meet Charlie Haas' face.
Michael Cole: John Cena just laid Haas out with that title belt!
Dwayne Johnson: And he quickly got rid of the evidence.
Michael Cole: The official, Earl Hebner is getting to his feet.
Earl Hebner: One!... Two!...
Michael Cole: Come on! It can't end this way!
Earl Hebner: THREE!
(bell rings and John Cena's music plays)
Michael Cole: Dammit! John Cena steals the victory.
Nate Means: Here is your winner and STILL FSW Champion, John Cena!
Dwayne Johnson: From the looks of it, Haas is going to be the last person to leave the arena. He'll be out until next week.
Michael Cole: Some champion Cena is. He just screwed Haas and he screwed these fans out of an amazing match.
Dwayne Johnson: You're just mad that Cena didn't screw you.
Michael Cole: Very funny, Dway_... Mr Johnson. But Cena has proved his cowardice tonight. Someone needs to take him down a few pegs.
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